The Walking Dead. Honey Badgers Overcome Thunder, Lightning and Injuries to Take Down Galacticos!
“Nice try stupid team, we are Cameron Road. We don’t even know how it happens, just does” – Chris Peterson
That pretty much sums up yesterday’s 4-2 win over previously undefeated (and quite full of themselves) Galacticos. The fact that there even was a game was pretty amazing. Driving to the fields before 2:00, there were multiple rainstorms, but the tent was already erected at Badgertown, daring the thunder and lightning to cancel the game. The Badgers dug in, riding out the ominous weather and waited for an opponent to arrive after the 30 minute rain delay.
Like a troop of circus clowns, Galacticos seemed to all appear at once, possibly emerging from one, tiny 1963 VW bug. Good news for the Honey Badgers was that the capacity of that bug was only 9 players (11 if they would have removed the red noses, oversized shoes and party horns).
But it was no picnic over in Badgertown either, as Cameron Road were fighting to find 11 fit players to take to the field. Several Badgers were missing in action this week. Ryan and Ciro were apparently sharing one dodgy hamstring, and the Brian’s were on down in Cabo shooting “the beach episode” with Sammy Hagar.
On the field, Jaybone was sporting a hobbling ankle injury. Dave blew out his calf. Messi had a case of tequila leg, and then a case of tequila neck. Jefe was back in the mix with fresh motorcycle crash injuries. Chappy has been sporting a Wu-Tang Killa B cough for the past 3 weeks and Adam put himself in the concussion protocol. The list went on and on.
But the game finally started, and sweet Moses did it start with a bang. After the opening the kickoff, the Honey Badgers wasted no time, moving the ball down the field in their new 4-3-3 formation where Derek received a pass deep on the left side. With a trademark cutback, Derek juked his mark and sent the ball into the back of the net within 30 seconds!
If that play wasn’t fantastic enough, at the other end the defense was pulling off some heroic shit. Billy was first up to track back and save a goal off the line, and Bret soon followed by saving two more. Throw in a miraculous, crab crawling Jaybone wonder save, and the Honey Badgers were riding some treeline love.
While Bret was busy saving goals off the line, yelling at the ref, and yelling at the other team, he also managed to find some spare time to pick the ball off at midfield and send McKenna through on goal with a beautiful defense splitting ball right down the heart of the field. Not to be outdone by his striking mate, Steve deployed a mini cutback and with the patience of a hungry hipster in the Franklin’s BBQ line, he waited out the keeper and calmly slotted home goal #2.
The Galacticos were definitely frazzled, but they were also coming forward in waves now that they had a full squad on the field. The had several shots go over the bar, but they were not about sitting back and weathering the storm.
As the halftime drew closer, the Honey Badgers fell into their familiar pattern of yelling and screaming. Composure is not exactly a recognizable trait of the world’s most feared not-giving-a-shit species.
But through the chaos, Jake stepped up to really put a nail in the Galacticos’ coffin.
As Cameron Road won a free kick on the left edge of the 18 yard box, Jake ran to snatch up the ball. He was practicing the low-driving shot in the pre-game warmups, and low and behold if he didn’t step up to strike a worm burner that bounced in front of the keeper and soared into the back of the net for glorious Honey Badger goal #3! A great reward for a hard-working half that included a lot of defensive hustling from the master of mist.
The brothers Little had some heart-to-heart family fun time on the way to the halftime sidelines, and Shorty was guarding the oranges like a mother hen, so their delicious flavor releasing qualities were slightly delayed.
Galacticos started the second half like with some work to do. Going down to this team was not the way it was supposed to go down. “We were down 0-2 last week and won 7-4!” they proclaimed. To their credit, they came at Cameron Road who were more than happy to soak up the pressure. But there were cracks in the walls as the Honey Badgers scrambled to contain the attacks and two goals were conceded. Still, the Honey Badgers soldiered on.
A powerful second half tactic saw Jefe’s booming goal kicks reach the Bald Dome of Power on the right touchline on many occasions. The “flick-on” became a weapon of choice for Steve, Derek and Jake to run onto.
Berto’s tequila neck finally went out on him for good, and his absence caused a tiny hole in the midfield which had to be backfilled by Peterson, Jake, Billy, Adam and anyone else willing to do some defensive work.
To put the game to bed, Derek earned himself a penalty with what was most likely a cutback of epic proportions. From the back there was a rumble of earth as Jefe strode forward to take the penalty. His moment had arrived. Seeing the keeper move ever so slightly, Jefe pounded the rock with the subtlety of a jackhammer to the keeper’s right and put the Honey Badgers up 4-2.
A glorious end to an amazing game.
The Post-Game got real once Jake threw down his new waterproof, Badgerproof bluetooth speaker. The mood was set with some Iron Maiden as the Honey Badgers polished off Messi’s tequila and an assortment of cold beverages. As time went by, one thing became very clear: give Chappy enough cider and crank up some old-school Metallica and some shit is gonna get jumped. Add a folded up tent, Billy in his chair, and Peterson on his bucket to the list of off-field accomplishments.
