WIN: 4-3 vs Chopped Liverpool – Badgers and Friends Outlast Johnny Football in Epic Crown & Anchor Shootout!

“A wiser fella once said, sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes, well, the bar eats you.” And sometimes the bar is the sponsor for two teams in an epic shootout at Onion Creek on a muggy Sunday morning.

The Badgers and Friends squared off against an ancient foe yesterday as they faced Chopped Liverpool. The ever-evolving CRU summer squad welcomed some fresh faces to make their Honey Badger debut as Ramesh, Guillermo N and big, bad Will from Verity donned the yellow jerseys for the first time. Captain Chappy was also back in action after a rough five weeks in the medical tent nursing a myriad of above the neck maladies.

With Derek in Hawaii performing volcanic cut-backs, the Badgers started with Jake and Chappy up top, Ciro and Adam on the wings, Guillermo and Leoooooo in the center of the park, and a back line of Aaron, Nick L, Danimal and Jefe. Jaybone was back between the pipes.

The Badgers got some early love inside the Liver’s box as Ciro worked the ball into the box and “JAKE IS DOWN! JAKE IS DOWN!”

After some early back and forth between the two evenly-matched teams, Chopped Liverpool struck first blood off a corner kick as their headbanded Leicester City transplant nodded in a header like Harry Maguire should be doing on the regular.

1-0 Chopped Liverpool

Arriving fashionably late, Will from Verity took his place in the back line after the water break to fulfill his lifelong dream of donning the yellow jersey. He was so excited that he forgot his shin guards and had to sprint back off the field to grab them. He did fit right in at the back, adding another big, skilled pair of feet to the defense.

Ram also got into the game and provided his usual Wednesday night brand of defensive wizardry at right back, while also surging forward to make offensive runs. He sported Chappy’s old #7 jersey. Two number 7’s on the pitch at the same time! The Badgers couldn’t lose.

Will also was making an impact inside the other box as he surged forward as Cameron Road threaded the ball into the danger area. Trying to recover and defend, the Livers were forced to smack the ball down with a hand inside the box…. penalty to the Badgers! But who would take it? The reliable Punter Captain? Will? Leo? Would Ciro kick it right at the keeper? In the end, Guillermo N stepped up and calmly slotted the ball to the keeper’s right. Never a doubt.

1-1

As the half wore on, some interesting defensive maneuvers were happening. Aaron stood up Johnny Football and robbed him of the ball. Jefe passed to Chappy…. who was standing on the sidelines and not part of the 11 on the pitch. Nick L and Danimal held down the fort in the center of the park. Good stuff.

Mark and Jesus were doing their father and son thing, and Mark (operating on the left wing) found Chappy for a deep cross field pass that he started to chase behind the back line but…… offside!? The referee must have read his scouting report.

Just before the half, the Honey Badgers got the ball deep inside the Livers back line and proceeded to score one of the most Honey Badger goals in recent memory. Maybe from a Leo/Guillermo free kick, the ball started pinging around the Liver’s penalty box. Nick M was Johnny on the spot with a swipe at the ball as it ping-ponged between outstretched legs and the keeper’s hands. As he continued to pump his legs on his back like Quint from Jaws as the 25 foot great white chomped away, he somehow got another touch that landed in front of Chappy standing in anticipation in the middle of the goal. With the Bald Dome of Power on the shelf after it’s concussion, he relied on his other weapon and flicked the ball off The Bunion into the right hand corner of the box. Straight outta the kindergarten playground.

2-1 Badgers

Oranges. Sweet, juicy, life-saving oranges. Adam was back!!

The second half got underway in this tightly contested affair with both teams looking to gain the upper hand. As both teams went back and forth, Chopped Liverpool got back into the game with a close range header from Albert (The Thigh of Doom) as Jaybone pushed the ball wide off the initial shot.

2-2

Next up was a beauty. The Badgers worked the ball deep into Liverpool territory as Chappy screamed for Will to get his large, green head into the box. Nick M delivered the perfect cross for Will to head deep into the back corner of the net giving he keeper no chance. A beautiful and powerful header that made the Bald Dome of Power bead up some sweat in the shape of a smile.

Later, Jefe made a fantastic and majestic deep run into enemy territory to deliver a cross to the back post that deserved a home at the end of a Badger foot. After that when he settled back into his defensive role, he passed it straight to Chappy….. who was again a sub on the sideline. TWICE!!

Still looking for another goal, Chappy posted up and flicked the ball into Ciro’s path for a nice shot from distance. But it was Johnny Football who would next even up the game with a kind of amazing near post shot from distance. Queue up the six shooter celebration.

3-3

With the game in the balance, both teams continued to go for the win. Jefe happily hauled down Johnny Guns with a tactical jersey tug at the half line to prevent a breakaway while Jesus and Leo had a….. creative dialogue….. about the proper passing techniques to support a striker’s runs.

But it was a trio of Punters who stood up to score the winning goal. Aaron stepped up to nab the ball away from the Livers. Leoooooo received the ball next who passed it to the rushing Nick Mehl. With Chappy’s run to his left opening up space, Nick decided to pull the trigger all by himself with a shot from a very difficult angle to send the ball into the far post.

4-3 Badgers!!!!

The final minutes were a defensive masterclass from the Badgers. Jefe’s toe poke lead to a booming Danimal clearance as the entire back line took charge to preserve the win.

In the end, it was a fantastic and thrilling game of footy from two friendly teams just out for a good time. The Soccer Gods decreed that the Badgers would end up winning the game, but it was a win for everyone on the pitch.

Man-of-the-Match: With a scrappy assist on his back like a turtle, a beautifully weighted assist for Verity Will’s goal, and the game winner from a tight angle, Nick “The Punter” Mehl did all he could to see out the victory and earn this game’s awards. Even without the power of the #7 jersey.

Post-Match-Report: Not only did the Honey Badgers win the game, but apparently they outlasted and won the post game. They had cold beverages, CRU koozies, Jake’s magnificent mist, and in a Stranger Things visit to the Upside Down version of Onion Creek, Ciro actually iced an unsuspecting Chappy! Amazing.