Tentless, Goalless, Bloodied, Battered and Bruised – Honey Badgers Grind Out 1-1 Draw with Livers
Weeks from now, getting out of NEMP alive against one of the top teams in the league with a draw will be viewed as a great result – but for now, it stings just a bit knowing the “Livers” were on the ropes.
Like a total solar eclipse, another rare occurrence happened yesterday on the high plains of NEMP. Badgertown was nowhere in site. Cameron Road was tentless and spread out like a band of gypsies. Sure, a few stole precious real estate underneath the Punters tent, but it was not that same without the logo flying high and the reggae tunes washing over your ears.
On the pitch, the Honey Badgers lined up to do battle with an always difficult opponent, Chopped Liverpool. The Livers, as they like to call themselves, are a battering ram of a team. They enjoy the physical, bombastic approach, but on this day the Honey Badgers matched up with them gladiator to gladiator. But it was not without a cost. At the end of the game, there were casualties. New Chris: possible broken nose and bloodied jersey. Ciro: sprained ankle. McKenna: softball sized bruise on lower leg. Dave and Danimal: aches and pains from bone crushing encounters with Liverpool striker. This was an old school street fight.
The Honey Badgers started off with good numbers, and those increased as New Brian and Miguel arrived fashionably late.
Well, seems as though a big mystery of Game of Thrones has been solved. For those who were wondering if Tormund Giantsbane made it off the wall after the Night King blasted it with back-from-the-dead dragon fire…. because he was playing up front for Liverpool with the same Wildling fervor that made him a powerful ally in the North. Chappy’s initial slide tackle on him was the first shot across the bow in what would be a brutal game. (ref said it was all ball….. BT and Danimal had other thoughts on his technique…. ghost of Cuyler says it was totally clean).
Cameron Road received a bit of good fortune and the referee was lightning quick to reach into his pocket and pull out the old red card for a foul-mouthed tirade from a Liverpool defender for an alleged Honey Badger hand ball. Probably harsh on them, but it would be 11 vs 10 for 80 minutes.
The Honey Badgers had some good chances to go up in the first half. Derek and Adam were getting deep in the the box, Ciro had a long-range shot, and Adam and Steve had header opportunities from close range. The best chance fell to Adam, after Miguel dug out a cross on the byline and whipped it across the face of the goal.
As the half wore on, the physical challenges increased. Danimal went all in on several bruising battles with Tormund, and seemed to relish each opportunity to Hulk smash someone not named Glendon.
The Honey Badgers got another piece of good fortune when Liverpool’s usually solid center back sent his keeper the wrong way with a back pass and ended up scoring a pretty damn good own goal to give Cameron Road the lead.
But the play of the half came from Cameron Road’s very own Big Dave as he squared up against Tormund for an epic battle. Like two freight trains headed towards an intersection, the play seemed to happen in slow motion from the sidelines as everyone could see what was coming. With each player disregarding the ball, shoulders were dipped, traction was grabbed and top speed was reached for the oncoming collision. Tormund didn’t count on Big Dave’s legendary low center of gravity and was upended in spectacular fashion as Dave dug deep send him crashing to the turf. In technical terms, he “lit him up!” Pretty sure Dave is still smiling about that one.
The lads were treated to a rainbow at halftime and the skies opened up a bit. Nice.
For parts of the early second half, Cameron Road’s passing was a thing of beauty. In particular, Peterson, Ciro, Scott, the Brian’s and Miguel were carving up Liverpool with triangles inside triangles and knocking the ball around almost like they knew what they were doing. Unfortunately, the “beautiful game” was short lived as Ciro’s size 3 shoe fell deep into a NEMP crater and he twisted his ankle, sending him to the sidelines.
Soon after that, Chris G joined Ciro, but in more gruesome and spectacular fashion. As things were getting more physical, Chris took a back of the head to the bridge of the nose knock. His non-stop bleeding ended his day, but in typical Honey Badger fashion he stayed to watch his brothers finish out the game. That thing was still bleeding when he finally left for his car, and into the middle of the night, but word on the street is that he’s back to normal now after losing about a bucket of blood.
With all the bad luck seemingly going their way, the Livers got a lifeline with a bit of a mishap in the Cameron Road box. Off a corner kick, Chappy’s arm was the recipient of some friendly fire and Liverpool were granted a p/k. (Ryan said he stood there like a scarecrow, but again the Ghost of Cuyler thought it was clean). Anyway, Liverpool converted and were back on level terms.
As the heavyweight bout went round-to-round, both teams went searching for the winner. Miguel had a nice long range shot and Derek was making himself dangerous on several occasions, but the Honey Badgers just couldn’t find the back of the net.
In the end, the day belonged to the defense, who stood tall, played rough, and kept Liverpool at bay in a match where the offense looked pretty at times but just couldn’t score.
Man-of-the-Match: LIGHT HIM UP BIG DAVE!!!!!!
Post-Match Report: No tent, no problem as the Honey Badgers enjoyed a bevy of beer, cider, ice baths and frisbee throwing. Danimal destroyed Chappy with an ice storm of liquid ball shrinker, even though he spent his own hard-earned money on a 6’er of Zoe. Bastard. And even though Ciro was injured, Chappy couldn’t resist singling out his all time number one target with a deluge of destruction on his way out.
