WIN: 14-0 vs Elephants – Honey Badgers Barely Squeak By Elephants

Hopefully these Elephants do forget, because they’ve been beaten 24-0 in two games against the explosive Honey Badgers. When you lose two games on the trot, the Elephants are the perfect medicine to make all the pain go away. With one sub at their disposal (what a treat!), Cameron Road hit the pitch on a sunny Sunday morning to exercise their collective demons.

The game was….. well, as expected. The Honey Badgers were all over the Elephants like jorts on Peterson from the get-go. Ciro and Schwarzy had all kinds of time on the ball to pick a pass. The Jeff’s and Guillermo stood firm near the half line as the base of the defensive attack. Andy was a very very very advanced fullback. Big Dave gazed at his tree and dreamed of smoked pork temperatures. Nasty Nate and Adam took turns sucking up the open space on the flanks. Chappy wondered what offside really meant. Gigi was on the hunt for goals. And Jaybone planted a garden in front of his goal, read some accounting textbooks, and set up his fantasy team.

Let’s face it, the Elephants never stood a chance. Andy hit the game winner inside 10 minutes with a close range tap in from Gigi’s pass. The other goals follow in some order, but it was all a blur. Gigi scored from Jefe’s assist. Chappy set one up for Schwarzy to comfortably put away. Gigi scored again. Big Dave stepped up and notched a worm burner. Chappy had the ball in the back of the net three times, but only one of them counted as he finished off Gigi’s return cross. Nasty Nate drilled a beautiful far post shot. And you know, Gigi scored his hat trick at the end of the very end of the first half but probably didn’t see it since he hit his head on the turf. Andy tried to steal it away, but the VAR check made sure the Italian’s goal stood.

Jefe went down with the first of three pulled groins early in the first half. Most likely due to his navy shorts, which are not royal blue. Andy took a shot to the nuts.

Oranges.

Many things happened in the second half other than goals. Big Dave took a turn in between the pipes and actually had a nice save from a rare Elephant attack. Nate employed the George Costanza technique for combating offside calls by proclaiming that “if he sees he is onside, he believes he is onside.” Guillermo pulled himself out of the game with a pulled groin. Chappy also pulled a groin, but remained in the game to show that he was actually capable of one left-footed 5 yard pass. Jeff Z went for a walk about down the right side and wouldn’t you know it, was offside! Andy took his second shot to the nuts, and the Elephants offered up a $50 bounty if anyone could produce a hat trick of them.

But back to the goals. Nate scored his second early on after an assist from Gianluca. Gianluca scored from an assist from Chappy. Gigi scored from an assist from Ciro to take his record setting tally to 5 for the day. Andy scored from Ciro’s perfect pass. Gigi set up Schwarzy. And Gigi capped off the day with his motherfucking 6TH GOAL OF THE DAY!!!

Damn. It was that kinda day.

Man-of-the-Match: I mean, come on. 6 goals, at least 3 assists…. Gianluca is absolutely on fire and already has 17 goals….. with 9 more games to play!