Honey Badgers 0 – Austin Goldstars 3

The Honey Badgers woke up thinking, “could this be the day?” After Luke’s late-week motivational email, the champagne was re-re-re-re-iced and tucked away in the Yeti along with various post-game selections for the possible taste of victory. Messi was there minus fingerless gloves and mime makeup, Houston was there minus a dog, Jake was there minus an organ, but unfortunately Jaybone was not there. The team had given the two-time MVP a deserved week off after throwing him to the wolves over the last 12 months, and he was spending a weekend in Dubai in the luxurious CRU summer home.

Cameron Road deployed an interesting solution to the no-keeper problem. They put the smallest man back between the pipes for the first half. Actually, they put the only person who volunteered back there, Messi. The plan was to have him stop every shot with his feet and play every ball out of the back.

That plan was quickly put to the test when Chappy gave up the opening free kick of the game with the first shoulder “love tap” of the game. The high-arching free kick sailed up into the sky and dropped down right in the back corner of the net over the outstretched 5′ 3″ frame of the new keeper. Not a great start, but still the game was manageable.

Things quickly took a familiar turn when a CRU turnover led to a second Austin Goldstars goal. The tent was not a happy place to eat oranges.

The second half was slightly more miserable than the first. Bret took up the gloves for a 40 minute run at the keeper position, earning himself an “atta’boy” from the rest of us who didn’t want to play there.

Although Cameron Road had the better of the attacking play, things just weren’t going according to plan.

Some examples: Ciro absolutely destroyed Derek on the sidelines somehow in a demolition derby attempt to win a throw in. It was tiny on tiny violence. Adam went down with a goal kick to the nuts. The opposing keeper scored on a bombing punt for the second week in a row against CRU. The Honey Badgers had a penalty kick saved by the Goldstars keeper. Ryan (looking quite stylish in his brand new Mizunos) narrowly missed a close-range header. The Punters won, again.

Ugh. Another horror show 3 goal loss for American’s scrappiest team. There’s only one solution to the current Honey Badger problem…. BEAT THE DRAGONS.