Honey Badgers Enjoy Some Down Home Country Livin’ As They Dismantle Rovers 5-0 And Keep The Pressure On The Dragons In An All Out, Epic, Race To The Title

Knowing that they could not afford a letdown after dismantling the Dragons, Captain Chappy took a page out of Alex Ferguson’s latest book on leadership and decided to stoke the flames within the team. In a pure act of altruism, he purposely severely injured his back lifting massive amounts of iron at CrossFit on Saturday. As his wife endured the many groans of pain in the middle of the night, he knew that once Jefe found out the source of the injury, his fury would reach a boil. He was right, as Jefe’s 6:15am wakeup call was filled with expletives about non-sanctioned team activities on a Saturday while a title was on the line.

And when he arrived at the game (looking like a fucking professional, Honey Badger tie and all), he knew he had done Sir Alex proud as Jefe’s ire had disseminated throughout the team, which was sufficiently energized even thought it was barely 7:45am in Manor, Texas.

Cameron Road had the opportunity to put Rovers to the sword early since their opponents only fielded 8 players at kickoff. As Danimal, Adam, Dermot and Chris (for today, as the sole member of the Chris duo present, we shall honor him with only his given name), showed up slightly after the game started and entered the field, the Honey Badgers asserted themselves. Since Andy was nursing a tender ankle, he opted out and joined Chappy on the sidelines to enjoy the show.

Like previous games, Ryan was the early tone setter as he created a trio of chances in the early moments. One was squandered, one went straight TO-DA-MOON!!!, but the third found it’s home, nestled sweetly into the back corner of the net. Chris sent in a lovely cross from his advanced run from the left side and Ryan headed it to the back post over the keeper. (obviously paying tribute to his Captain and Mentor).

1-0 Cameron Road.

The Honey Badgers continued to batter Rovers. Danimal was on fire, screaming down the wing, putting in crosses and getting into the box. He also, paid tribute to his Captain, by finding himself in an offside position on a break. Chappy nodded in approval.

Everyone was getting involved. Ciro was feisty. Jefe was boisterous. Billy had a great shot at goal. And Dermot was trying to erase the Everton loss to Manchester United in the FA Cup Semifinal from his memory. It was another all-out effort and Cameron Road enjoyed 85% of the ball inside the Rovers half. Jay was hardly called on to make a save.

Clinging to a 1-0 lead with the half winding down, the Honey Badgers could really use some breathing space to wrap up the game for good, and they got it with two rapid-fire goals at the end of the first half.

First up, Dermot scored one of his most spectacular goals with a 45 yard side footer that sizzled 2 feet off the ground! As he got the ball on the left side of the field, he looked up and spotted the keeper glued to the near post. With Fellaini-like precision, he sent the ball to the far post and doubled the Honey Badgers lead. To make his shot even more memorable, it must be known that he did it while a) wearing his old jersey, b) wearing Andy’s shin pads, and c) sporting Brooks running shoes! Amazing.

2-0 Cameron Road

Shortly after that, Adam got the first of his two pokes as he cleaned up a Rovers mess inside the box to pretty much wrap it up.

3-0 Cameron Road at the half.

The Honey Badgers were running downhill (literally) for the second half, and didn’t let up on the gas pedal. More waves of attacks came from all directions as the looked to increase their already impressive goal differential. Ye Ol’Steve McKenna curled in a fine shot that just narrowly missed its mark. He was also seen sprinting like an Irish Cheetah at full stride down the touchline later in the game in an effort to track down a ball. It’s great to have him back and looking like the player CRU pried away from Shiner FC.

At the other end, Jay made the one and only save he was called upon to make as he spectacularly thwarted a Rovers shot with a fingertip save.

Adam and Ciro worked some close range magic, as Ciro’s shot/cross thingy found Adam lurking at the back post like a vulture. (a quiet, extremely fast, orange-carrying vulture). Adam poked home his second goal of the day to put the Honey Badgers up by 4.

4-0 Cameron Road

If this was a UFC fight, Rovers would have tapped out by now, but unfortunately for them there was still time on the clock. On a hat-trick, Adam almost put in his third with a nice long-range effort that just missed the back post. Dermot also tried to improve his tally with another long range cracker that smashed off the far post and back into the keeper’s arms. He is now forbidden to wear anything besides running shoes on the pitch as they have obviously been the missing ingredient to his shooting technique.

If there was a player trying hard to get a goal, it was Danimal, and he finally got his due as he won the scrum with the goalie inside the box and shin-boned one home to seal the deal.

5-o Cameron Road.

Another fantastic performance from the guys in yellow and blue. The defense continues to rule the league with yet another shutout, and the goals continue to flow from every direction, even without 3 of the 4 goal scorers from last week.

With two games to go, it’s still shaping up to be one of the most amazing finishes in sports history (sorry Leicester), as the Dragons also won to keep their slim, 1 point lead alive. But we comin’ for you Drew. Believe it.

Man-of-the-Match: Adam was Cameron Road’s Dennis Rodman today. Not the strange, tattooed and pierced freaks how of the Lakers and Spurs. No, I’m talking about “The Worm” of the Detroit Pistons. His two scrappy goals took center stage with today’s win. Now if we could just get him to stop talking…