Demasido Tejon Miel Para Tomamos Muchas Cervezas

On a day where Satin himself sat his ass down on Onion Creek Field #10 and superheated the turf to plasma-like conditions, the Honey Badgers kicked into “don’t give a shit” mode and destroyed Tomamos Muchas Cervezas by 5 goals.

TMC had actually been lighting up the league and were a pretty good team stocked with some under 20 year olds. In theory, 20 year olds usually beat 30-40+ year olds. But in theory, a juvenile honey badger can also kill a full grown burmese python.

A strange pre-game scenario unfolded as Jefe gave sanctuary from the heat to a fallen Celtic Cowboy. As their game ended, the Cowboys proceeded to nest en masse within the shelter of the double decker CRU tentspace. A strange partnership developed among the mortal enemies as the grateful Cowboy infestation manifested itself into the Honey Badgers main cheering section.

Cameron Road started off the game brightly, taking advantage of TMC’s natural offensive instincts and defensive shortcomings. The Honey Badgers wandered into the scoring zone several times, and struck first blood with Andy winning a ball down on the right side of the box. His flash cross came to Chappy just inside the 18′ box at the top left corner. With nay a defender to challenge him, Chappy pulled out his sand wedge, took aim, and sent a high looping shot into the top right corner past the outstretched arms of the keeper. An unusual goal from distance from the Captain who has now scored in 3 games running put the Honey Badgers up 1-0 within the first 5 minutes.

TMC didn’t take kindly to going down so soon, and they fought back with a nice first half burst. They scored two goals, one a nice shot from distance, to put them back in control of the game 1-2.

This chain of events sparked the Honey Badgers into action, and they collectively proceeded to “eat the cobra” by scoring the next 6 goals and locking down their own net en route to a 7-2 destruction of Tomamos Muchas Cervezas.

With a dodgy chicken leg, the injured Willis decided to insert himself into the game on the left side of midfield. It was either the extreme heat or the pull of the mystical tree line that caused him to ignore doctor’s orders. Without being able to kick the ball very well, he took advantage of his unusually bountiful skill set by assisting and then scoring.

First,  someone sent in a booming cross from the right that went over McKenna’s head and into the path of Ryan. With a flick of the boot, he sent the ball back to Steve who tapped it in from close range to tie the game up at 2 a piece.

Then, Willis got on the end of Scott’s perfectly placed back post cross. Ryan employed the flying doodle bug technique as he crouched and leaped at the same time to head in the winning goal from 2 feet past the keeper.

Although the score remained 3-2 for the rest of the half, the Honey Badgers dodged some bullets and had some additional chances. The Tree Line Gods smiled on CRU as they avoided being called for a third consecutive hand ball in the box. Sparked by that lucky twist of fate, the defense (led by Jay’s triumphant return between the pipes) started taking control of the game from the back. Crosley, Dave, Jefe and Danimal swatted away danger like flies on the defensive end, while Andy, Steve, Chappy and Ryan had chances at the other. Ryan actually had the ball in the back of the net for a second time after being played in with a Chappy gooch pass, but one or both were ruled offside (let’s be honest, it was probably Chappy).

CRU headed into the tent at halftime with a 3-2 lead and some momentum. But nobody could predict the domination of the second half to come.

With the game still close, TMC was trying desperately to get back into the game. They were pushing forward with the play of their speedy, youngsters, but their forays into Honey Badger infested territory left them open at the back and ripe for being scored on. With a quick touch at the top of the box, Gianluca turned the tide of the game with a goal that doubled the Honey Badgers lead. As the keeper stood flat footed at the center of the goal, Gigi did something uncommon for a CRU player, he shot it down into the left corner giving the keeper no chance. 4-2. CRU.

Smelling blood in the water, Steve McKenna started to take over offensively, having several pops at goal after darting around the TMC defense. Scott also started to pick up his game with some great play on the left hand side of midfield. The Honey Badgers were coming close, but still had some work to do to put the game to bed.

With some quick one touch play on the right hand side, the ball came to Chappy with his back to goal. He found Peterson with a simple drop and Chris zipped the ball across the face of goal to the back post where Willis was lurking like Luke at his Grandmother’s breakfast table full of hot biscuits. Willis poked the ball in for his second goal of the game. 5-2 CRU.

Cameron Road kept the chances coming TMC started to wilt in the intense heat generated by the Honey Badger’s offensive action. Peterson had a crack at goal from the center of the pitch after a Scott to Chappy pass. And then BT made a deep, penetrating run to the back line to try and set up Gianluca. Great run from Brian and even greater that his calves decided to stick around for the remainder of the game.

Then, it was time for Steve McKenna to put the game to bed with the last two goals. Steve beat the keeper on a breakaway for his second goal of the day. 6-2 CRU. And then he scored on the play of the game as Cameron Road covered 90 yards with 3 touches!

Jay played the ball out of goal to BT. With the keeper way out of goal and Steve lurking past the half line, BT sent a majestic 40 yard lob over the defense and right to Steve’s boot. Steve took a look at the helpless keeper 30 yards from his own goal and unleashed a Beckham-like rocket into the back of the net. Amazing stuff from the Honey Badgers as the capped of a 4 goal second half with a beauty. 7-2 CRU.

It wasn’t all offense in the second half as the back line pitched a shutout. Danimal was his usual self, heading away balls with reckless abandon. He also “took out the trash” with a blistering yellow card worthy shoulder challenge. Crosley locked down the left side with his silent assassin approach to defense. El Jefe once again gave a Honey Badger like tenacious effort in the middle. And Dave gave his wife and mother a show on the right hand side, most notably with a fantastic sideline slide tackle.

So an all around thrilling performance from the Honey Badgers which started with a bang and ended in a 6 goal run. With two games to go, they will need a little help, but their second consecutive division title is still not out of the question.

Having won the game on the pitch in thrilling fashion, the Honey Badgers absolutely demolished the post-game. With two tents, a dozen ice baths, a running commentary of the follow-up match, and a Thelma-and-Louise-like “let’s just keep going” trip to the Crown and Anchor to watch the USA’s victory, Cameron Road turned Sunday on it’s ass.

Man-of-the-Match: Plenty of choices for this week’s awards. Ryan came off the bench, hurt, to throw down 2 goals and an assist. Steve bagged a hat trick, which is almost something he’s expected to do these days. But with a 90 minutes of injury free soccer under of his belt and the pass of the day to seal the victory, BT turned his Evite “Maybe” into a Man-of-the-Match winning performance.