As the Win Comes Sweeping down the (Nefarious unEven Maladroit) Plain

It was time once again for our bi-annual death match at NEMP, the northern in-bred step cousin of Onion Creek. There was something all too familiar about NEMP, something that, once we stepped onto the field to warm up, I knew we didn’t miss: a gnarly wind with daddy issues and a surface that made Clark Field look grassy, flat and predictable.

With the wind at our backs, CRU started out strong and looked very familiar with how NEMP plays with your balls: unpredictable winds make high crosses into a weeble-wobble of unpredictability, and the hard surface of petrified dirt turn the passing game into a real version of “Hungry Hungry Hippos”.

It didn’t take long before BT’s seasoned stroke sent a perfect cross into the box to an uncovered Willis. With his back to the goal, Willis flicked the ball on with his head (a perfect touch), sending the ball skipping into the far lower ninety netting. CRU 1-0.

CRU continued to attack – we knew we needed to go up early with the wind at our backs. BT and Ciro sent in balls to Bob, Andy, and Dermott, who pressed the Inter defense hard and exposing some weaknesses. With one such attack, Andy made a nice run down the right side while Bob was pressing their sweeper, the ball was pushed out to Andy who made a scorching side volley into the far post netting and a great goal! CRU 2 – 0 Inter.

With the taste of victory already on our lips, CRU knew that getting 3 goals in the first half would all but seal a win against a mediocre Inter side. Inter appeared a solid opponent in the midfield and offensive third, but their defense seemed to be their Achilles’ heel. And by the way we had been able to move the ball on their half, it was only a matter of time before we finished again.

The third goal came from a corner towards the end of the 1st half. The service found its way to Willis’ feet who shot it off the goalie’s chest and bounced into Andy’s waiting legs, who then knocked it into the net with some authority. With everything going according to plan, CRU took a 3-0 lead into half-time.

The second half put the wind at the back of Inter, whose quick forwards and through-ball happy midfielders relentlessly sent Cuyler, Crosley, Billy and Dave tracking down any attempts at an attack. Cuyler had a dominating presence by locking down any air game Inter attempted and Billy played a strong stopper, thwarting many goal kicks away from their quick forwards. At one point, Dave made a hard recovery run and slide tackled a would-be shot on goal out of the crosshairs of two Inter players. Inter had their chances, but never capitalized on any of them.

Despite attacking directly into the northern wind, a dangerous attacking trio of Bob, Andy, and Dermott seemed to easily rattle the plastic shin guards of Inter’s back line. BT and Ciro did a great job locking down the middle of the pitch and having some time for good distribution through their weak defense. Our assault on the offensive third resulted in two corner kicks that proved to be the closer.

Dave pushed up from marking back to send in the first corner, which went near post and was cleared out for a repeat. Dave put the second one in the exact same spot and it bounced into box with saliva-inducing speed. A shot was put on goal and the goalie bitch-slapped it out perfectly onto the waiting head of Andy Michaelis. With snakebite-like speed and neck muscles, Andy sent a scorching header into the net for the fourth and final goal of the match. CRU 4 – 0 Inter.

While Inter missed a few golden opportunities for goals with some post-shots and wide-open misses, Jay’s keeping skills came clutch when it mattered and gave CRU a win and 3 points on the board. Next week we face the Celtic Cowboys at 9:55 AM on OCSC #1. Not only is this a chance at another win, but if we do beat them, we leap them in the standings.

Man of the Match: With a scorching far-post volley, a solid header and being in the right place at the right time, Andy Michaelis only needed 75 minutes to post a hat trick and still had time to make it to baby class. Well done, Andy!

Man of the Post Match: The bald forward from Black Star. Thanks for “tweaking” your quad with a “redick” shot from 35 yards out within the first minute, pulling yourself out of the game, making a huffy scene on the sideline in your sketchers, and then skipping over the other seven subs to put yourself back in, only to take one sprint down the sideline off a bad throw-in and pull yourself out again. Maybe try shaving your balls in the port-a-potty at the next game, guy. Classic.