WIN: 8-0 vs Austin Power Outage – Badgers Blow Up The Grid For Good

The final game of this stellar summer season ended with a bang as the Honey Badgers destroyed Austin Power Outage by 8 goals, and it could have been much more! This has been the best summer season in recent memory with a great crew, a great vibe, and great performances by those young and old. Cheers to a job well done.

Cameron Road United continued to pack the sidelines with plenty of subs as 18 players showed up. Danny was standing by in street clothes to protect his brisket, and Ryan Willis was there to add to the party atmosphere as well. The plan was to end the season with a big win, and then feast on meats and treats to wrap up the season in style. Nothing on the day disappointed.

Early on, Chappy found himself up top with Derek, and was immediately involved in three chances that went begging. The first two were carbon copy plays as Jesus sent in some nice mid-range crosses from the left to the Bald Dome of Power. Chappy complained that the “giant sky fire was in his eyes” as he scuffed the first chance. His bunion slid out from under him on the second. And after Scott played him in with a nice through ball on his way to goal, the referee deemed him offside (he must have had him confused with Derek). No matter, if Chappy could get those kind of opportunities in the early going, the rest of the team was sure to have a feast of chances as the game continued.

And just like that as he made way for Andy in the lineup, Derek netted the opener as he made eye contact with Pete for some intricate practice-style passes inside the box to slot it home for a 1-0 lead. The floodgates had officially opened.

Andy was up next with his left foot as he scored from Scott’s cross. (which would become a familiar scene on the day) Speaking of Scott, he had a pop from close range and his child’s size foot was kicked by a human sized foot…. but we all know it was probably “big sky fire in his eyes” that thwarted his attempt (another familiar scene on the day)

Chappy and Jesus finally connected for good after three earlier attempts as the goals kept coming. After Andy whipped in a long cross from the right, Jesus headed it down at the back post hard enough for the keeper to spill it back out into the box where Chappy was lurking and in full Adam Mode as the ball came off his thigh and into the net for goal number three.

It was starting to be pretty obvious that Austin Power Outage was overmatched, but they were pretty chill about it…. mostly. But that’s a story for the second half.

The best goal of the first half was the last, as Matt fired in a beauty from distance to put an exclamation point on a dominate 4-0 half.

Oranges.

The second half picked up right where the first left off, with the Honey Badgers searching for more cobra blood. They were sticking with traditional lineups to start the half, but the tradition of moving up the defenders to the front lines was coming.

Jesus was the next victim of “the big sky fire in his eyes” as he miskicked one on the byline. But the familiar tandem of Scotty and Andy hooked up once again as Scotty’s perfect cross from the right left Andy with a simple tap in for his second and the Honey Badger’s fifth.

Conor got into the game and let his long legs do the talking as he dropped a few slide tackles into the Frey. Speaking of, during the second half a headband Austin Power Outage defender got a little rough and clumsy with his tackles so Matt entered the game to drop some Zen Destruction on him with two brutal slide tackles complete with the old “stand over your fallen opponent for a few seconds and glaring at him without so much as a raised pulse.” It was cold and beautiful stuff.

When CRU wasn’t laying down the law with their physical play, they were still busy with their great passing as goal fever took hold of the team. Andy was on another hat trick, and it was almost time to start moving the lineup around.

Adam felt the primal urge to score with an ambitious shot from distance. Guillermo was the engine at the back starting attacks at the front. Ciro was most likely lining up shots directly at the keeper. Andy was coming close with a trio of shots from the top of the box. Things were looking spicy.

But Peterson dialed up a classic corner special as he drove one to the back post for Matt to head down into the turf and bounced past the keeper for his brace, and the team’s sixth. Not done yet!

With Billy and Dave moved up into the attack as Chappy and Derek provided a dual bald fullback option, things started getting really fun to watch. Big Dave got into the box, considered a bicycle kick, realized he couldn’t slide tackle anyone, and missed out on a scoring chance. But Billy did some nice work in the box causing a lose ball to squirm its way to Andy with time to consider just where he wanted to place the ball past the keeper for his 3rd hat trick of the season. (he went near post).

As Jefe got into the mix at the top, the only bummer of the game happened as he appeared to roll his previously jacked ankle, so hopefully it’s a quick recovery for the team’s spiritual leader.

Nolan was solid all day in goal, but didn’t have much to do. He did make a good save near the end of the game.

But the best, most magical, never-to-be-forgotton goal was saved for last as Billy won himself a free kick just outside the Austin Power Outage’s box. As he stood over the ball, the sideline was tense. Not known as a prolific goal scorer, Billy does possess and eye for it if you’ve seen him at practice. And with a flick of his Scottish boot, Billy let sail the perfect free kick over/around the wall into the top corner! It was a masterpiece that caused the whole of Cameron Road to celebrate for the OG. The perfect ending to the perfect summer season.

Honey Badgers 8 – Austin Power Outage 0 – and it was on to the chaos of the post-season post-game!

Man-of-the-Match: You just can’t beat Billy’s goal.

Post-Match-Report: Oh boy. Where to start. Chappy may have been over served with his 5 beers, and he received as many icings. Conor was the tent’s Top Chef winner as he manned the grill and provided an award winning salsa. Danimal’s first ever brisket was demolished by the hungry crowd. #waistband_brisket is currently trending on the socials. Jefe pulled a fast one on his Captain at a shotgunning display. It was a legendary post game to wrap everything up. THANKS TO ALL FOR A MAGICAL SUMMER SEASON!!