WIN: 2-1 vs Manchester United – There’s a Headline You Probably Never Thought You’d See

That’s right, you read it here first. Cameron Road defeated Manchester United’s Over 40 squad on Sunday afternoon at Onion Creek. Austin promised several inches of rain this weekend, but instead delivered a hot, humid, ragweed infused sweatshop of a pitch to do battle on. The Honey Badgers were welcoming back most of missing post-pandemic players as Jefe laced up the boots for his first tick-free game of the new era. BIG DAVE was in the house, albeit a few minutes late, but was a welcome sight to slot into his customary left back spot. Speaking of a few minutes late, Peterson also arrived after the opening whistle after there was a mixup in his Glam Squad, and he had to wait on an emergency fashion consultant to lay out the perfect pre-game deep v, jort and matching sneaker combination.

Without his A-List stars at his disposal, Ole Gunnar Solskjær came up with a brilliant new tactical game plan which called for anyone, anywhere on the pitch to simply yell “hand ball!!” every 4 seconds of the game. Frustration, but early indications were that it was proving to be an effective strategy as the Honey Badgers were getting annoyed and seeing a lot of action in the defensive end. Manchester United won half a dozen corner kicks in the early stages of the game and the pineapple meter was starting to glow red-hot.

But as usual, the back line of Cameron Road was proving to be a formidable force to break through, and for all Manchester United’s time spent near the Honey Badger net, they came away with nothing to show for it.

At the other end, Ciro and Ol’Schwarzy were trying to grab the game by the scruff of the neck in the middle of the pitch where space was opening up for the Honey Badger counter attack. The first big chance came when Guillermo gained control of the ball in the center of the park and zipped in a slicing thru-ball to Chappy who burst through the lines. With his first touch Chappy skipped past the last defender, but with the keeper in his sights, his second touch let him down like the night watchman on the Titanic, and the keeper gathered up the ball on the edge of the box. Great ball from Guillermo and the Badgers should have been up 1-0.

Manchester United were giving the Badgers a good game, the most evenly matched opponent of the young season by a mile. There was more probing into the Badgers back line, but Ole’s tactics were starting to wear on the Badger’s nerves as Guillermo exploded with a dual lingo tirade against one of the Manchester United attackers who cried foul one too many times. Good to see his Badger blood boiling.

Jake also spent a little time auditioning for “White Men Can’t Jump 2: This Time It’s Not Ironic” as his attempted headers on the sideline didn’t exactly come off.

Halftime in Badgertown saw the return of two Cameron Road favorites, oranges and a semi-drunken contingent of Verity hooligans to lead the second half charge.

As the second half got underway, the Badgers were again looking for the opening goal to get the party started. Close range shots and corner kicks weren’t proving to be the way to break through Manchester United’s defense, so Gianluca went rogue and did something pretty fantastic. Receiving the ball inside midfield, Gigi looked up to see the United keeper way way off his line. So Gigi unleashed a 40 yard bomb right over the helpless keeper’s head and into the back of the net. Veramente stupefacente! 1-0 Honey Badgers.

With a little bit of momentum on their side, Cameron Road, looked to turn the tide, but Manchester United were still proving to be a difficult opponent. They were good on the ball, and continued to attack.

But just as they were trying to get back into the game, Gigi did it again! Literally. Again getting the ball just inside the Manchester United half on the left side, the Italian Stallion let fly another 40 yard bomb….. right over the hapless keeper’s head for goal #2. Ancora piu sorprendente del primo! 2-0 Honey Badgers.

But Manchester United were not done. Well, they were done with their immobile keeper, so they switched him out with a slightly more mobile version. Knowing that he should have had an assist in the game if not for Chappy’s “bunion touch”, Guillermo doubled his efforts to get on the score sheet with a wonderful cross-field pass which led to a goal. Unfortunately, it was for the other team. Still, two quality passes.

No worries when Gigi was in the house and in the mood. With 20 minutes still to go, and the Badgers clinging to a one goal lead, Manchester United pressed for the tying goal. But the defense was standing tall, repelling all of their attacks and leaving space for the Badgers to operate their counter attack. Adam came close with a close range effort and Gigi could have had a hat trick if not for the near post as he hustled his way to another shot.

Seeing Gigi in action, Big Dave stepped up with a trio of long range shots of his own, which are most likely still lodged somewhere deep in the tree line. No doubt he was releasing some post-pandemic tension with those blasts during his first action back.

Having been slightly bloodied, the Badgers defense remained strong to finish out the game, with Danimal, Guillermo, Big Dave, New Chris and the Jeff’s refusing to budge. Speaking of Jeff Z, he delivered an award winning shoulder charge to a would-be attacker, releasing all of his weekly classroom frustration in one thumping maneuver.

So the Badgers remain undefeated and top of the league after week 3. This game was much more like a real match with a quality opponent. Good to grind one out with the defense standing tall.

Man-of-the-Match: Wow. Just wow. Gigi’s two long-range bombs will be remembered for a long, long time…. or at least until CRU, Inc. runs out of money to keep the website afloat. Amazing stuff as he remains absolutely on fire with 7 goals in 3 games!