Bar Tab Closed: Badgers 2 – Liverpool 2

Driving through the palatial and vibrant regions of downtown Manor, the Honey Badgers gathered for yearly Crown and Anchor bragging rights with Chopped Liverpool – a perennial thorn in the collective badger’s paw. The team was missing some iconic figures prior to the game, as Jefe and the tent were nowhere in sight. A sad pre-game indeed, but hark, over the horizon, it was tent 2 in the wagon with little brother Little! Beggars can’t be choosers.

Ryan earned his Man-of-the-Pre-Match honors by showing up injured, bringing plenty of pop-top beers for his friends, and wearing Chappy’s tattered gardening hat in a show of sideline tactical support.

The defense looked strong with Danimal, Chris G, Jeff Z and Peterson manning the back line, even though there was hardly an intimidating beard hair to be seen. Schwarzy, Ciro, Adam’s Arms and Andy comprised the midfield, and Chappy and Derek stood at the tip of the bald spear. Bret and later Gianluca stood at the ready.

The first half was lights out for Cameron Road. One of the best performances in recent history as they were getting all over Chopped Liverpool. Adam dug in with his role of chief pest as he snipped at the Livers’ heels, searching for loose balls. Peterson pressed forward in attack as an overlapping fullback on the left, putting Liverpool under more pressure than they could account for as Andy did the same on the right.

Cameron Road totally controlled the game and had the ball inside the Liverpool half on the regula. At the back, Johnny Football and his mates were held in check and only managed a few looks at goal.

The Honey Badgers were battering Liverpool with a beautiful, intricate latticework of attacks that started to pay dividends. Derek cut and cut back to blast a shot at the keeper. Danimal sent in a long-range free kick that Chappy headed just over the bar. Schwarzy peeled off a shot from the top of the box. The goal was coming.

With continuous corner kicks being won, Peterson set up from the left to dump one into the box. His shot rang true, and it found the Bash Brothers, Chappy and Andy, at the back post. With the ball in the net, the duo looked at each other and asked, “did you touch it!?” – “no, did you touch it?” Own Goal. But hark, Peterson claims to have seen it come off of Andy’s backside, so he’s rewarded with his first goal in over a year without even knowing about it.

Continued Badger pummeling ensued. More time in the Liver’s box, and Chris G was covering acres of space at the back while Danny flung himself about making Johnny Football think twice about approaching the box.

BT and little man arrived to add a boost to the second half, which was (for the second week in a row), a welcome sight. He got into the game and immediately let loose a shot from distance with his hammy still intact.

Man, a second goal sure would have been nice to put this one to bed….. BOOM! Derek goes down inside the literal sandbox for a p/k. After some quick discussions between Gigi and Derek (most likely involving some sort of butter for Columbian tea swap), Derek set the ball down and nailed it for a 2-0 lead at the half!

The halftime oranges were sweet, but the one tent shade system was sub-par.

Could the Honey Badgers continue their brilliant form in the second half? Would the passing be slick, the shots ring out true, and the saves be routine?

Shit no!

Although the second half started out pretty good with BT wowing the entire crowd with some fleet-footed maneuvers, things started to go a little sideways as the ball seemed as slippery as an olive oil covered bucket lid. Peterson can attest to that as he hit an especially oily patch on the top of the ball which landed him on his backside. He promptly got up to brush dat dirt off his shoulders.

The Honey Badgers did continue their attacks, but they found themselves doing more defensive work as Liverpool continually got the ball to Johnny Football, who they mistakingly kept referring to as “Mike.”

Liverpool nicked a goal off a free kick that seemed to pass through the black gates of Mordor at a snail’s pace, which was hard luck for Cameron Road.

Still eager to hold the slim one goal lead with Liverpool surging, the Honey Badgers pressed for another as Chappy displayed a strange new X-Box attack. Instead of the customary dribbling, he worked the ball deep with a succession of three instantaneous slide tackles. Interesting.

Things were getting tight with minutes to play, and it was looking like the Honey Badger defense would keep Johnny Football’s six shooters holstered by keeping him at bay (a.k.a. stomping on his feet). Job done, but as Lady Luck turned her back on the field to watch the screeching and screaming teenage action on the adjacent field, another Liverpool player snuck through the back line like Ronald Spiers making his way into Foy to relieve Lt. Dyke. 2-2 with a minute to play. Damn!

A painful end to a Crown & Anchor grudge match, but still, the point was more than the Punters earned on the day.

Man-of-the-Match: Jeff Z was going to be a no-show, but he and his summer allergy cold sacked up and stood tall at the back for as long as he could muster the energy…. even without the powers of a massive beard to call upon. Well done!

Post Match Report: With one tent for about 15 minutes, the post game devolved into a lame spectacle. No shade, no interest in the follow-up game, and no Jefe. To add insult to injury, the Honey Badgers were treated to a relentless cacophony of cackles, screaming, and Dothraki blood-soaked screams from the teenage girls watching the game to their backs. Sometimes you eat the bar, and well, sometimes the bar eats you.