No Subs, No Problem. Honey Badgers Smother Takoba With A Triple Dose Of Derek In A 3-1 Win

It was early. It was cold. It was NEMP. There were no subs. There was no keeper. Ciro forgot his jersey. All of these first world problems were facing the Honey Badgers as they lined up for this morning’s game.

Thanks to BT, Cameron Road thought they had 11, but the chopper from the Easy Lover video that Jaybone rented was late, and Luke started in goal with only Chappy’s thinly lined (but extremely handsome) Mizuno gloves to help his frozen paws.

The pesky Takoba team was bothering Cameron Road early, like a mouse grabbing the last of Luke’ Grandmother’s hot biscuts from the plate while you are at the fridge getting strawberry jelly.

Takoba’s attacks were causing the Honey Badgers problems, and confusion reigned supreme as Cameron Road struggled to get their shit together. Luke gobbled up a few shots, and New Chris (who was actually Only Chris) really held things together at the back with his clean up play.

Going forward, Takoba was leaving space to run behind, and when Derek wasn’t offside, he was bursting through the lines like a greased up eel on a slip-n-slide.

Against the run of play and still a man down, Chappy fought hard for a ball down the right wing. After emerging victorious, Chappy’s cross blazed across the face of goal and Derek ran it down at the back post. With a cutback or three to freeze the keeper, Derek blasted a shot past him for the opening goal as Jaybone arrived and started to get dressed.

The Honey Badger’s lead lasted all of one minute as they let Takoba’s Portugese thorn in their side run down the center of the field and tie up the game. As Jay entered the game, Luke happily vacated his temporary spot in between the frozen pipes and returned to his defensive home next to Chris and Billy.

With a full squad in the game, the Honey Badgers searched for some consistency, mainly coming from BT’s ability to push forward and play some defense-splitting passes. Ryan could have doubled the score, but after he broke free, he sent his shot to da moon!

Cameron Road finished out the half with Billy and Ciro discussing proper passing ettique, and the score remained all tied up at the break.

Cameron Road came out guns blazing to start the second half. They controlled the ball and were really surging forward in attack on the billowy pitch. Ciro, BT and Willis were causing Takoba problems as they intertwined their play with Derek in front of goal. On one drive, BT went the extra mile to grab a ball from the end line, but his body reminded him that it was on the downside of its athletic ability and he was forced off the pitch for a spell.

Needing another goal, the Honey Badgers turned to a familiar force again as Chappy and Derek combined for another bulge of the old onion bag. Ryan drifted in a ball towards the keeper and Chappy put on the jets to meet him in the box (which is actually equivalent to an elderly lady crossing the street with a walker that only has three wheels).

Chappy jumped to meet the ball and the early morning light shining off the Bald Dome of Power bewildered the keeper and forced him to tip the ball behind him. Derek was on the spot at the back post and after screaming for the ball, slotted into the far post for the lead which would not be relinquished.

A second short-handed goal for Derek.

Takoba wasn’t finished, and for a spell they were winning corner kicks and free kicks in Jay’s front yard with alarming frequency. But the defense stood firm and turned them all away like John Snow at The Wall.

After one such heroic stand, Chris burst down the right on a solo run that lasted 75% of the pitch. If it were not for the bumpy pitch and the sideline, he might still be running.

BT sorted out his hammy and got back on the pitch (a resurgence of athleticism perhaps?) which helped Cameron Road close out the game.

Instead of closing up shop, the Honey Badgers continued to attack, and Derek rounded out his stellar day by earning a penalty kick after being hacked in the box. To his credit, he stayed in his feet while being fouled, and in a sign of team solidarity, he graciously gave up the spot kick to Luke even as he was on a hat trick.

Luke Baker-Mayfieled’d the shit outta the kick (as if there was any doubt) and beat the keeper low and left.

The game wasnt as easy as the final score indicated, but it was a great team effort from 11 weary Honey Badgers to bounce back from last week’s defeat and get their 6th win of the season with one more to go.

Man-Of-The-Match: Derek had himself one helluva day. With Gigi suspended and McKenna still sporting a swollen ankle, he was isolated up top for most of the game. Still, he banged in two goals and created the third. Not bad for an ex-Dragon.