Spirit World Shines Down on Honey Badgers With 5-1 Destruction of Red/Pink Devils

October 4th, 2015 Austin TX

• 6:00 a.m. – Awaken from a peaceful slumber.
• 6:05 a.m. – Visit Spirit World.
• 6:25 a.m. – Water plants.
• 6:30 a.m. – Visit Spirit World.
• 7:00 a.m. – Feed cat.
• 7:15 a.m. – Visit Spirit World.
• 7:30 a.m. – Leave home on Falcor’s back, following a unicorn headed towards Manor, TX.
• 8:00 a.m. – Arrive at EMP.
• 8:10 a.m. – Set up tent in Spirit World.
• 8:15 a.m. – File appropriate paperwork for permanent address in Spirit World.

It was a brisk October morning. The birds were chirping, the breeze was cool and steady. Of course, I was there first with Ryan following and Ciro arriving soon after.   Game time arose, and CRU had 10 soldiers ready for battle. Who wasn’t there? Hmm… you know who you are.  With game underway, the Red/Pink Devils were giving the Badgers a good game.  The missing Badgers made their way to the field. Dermot and Chris Peterson (CP) showed up fashionably late and somehow managed to get checked in and into the game.

So… a jorted, late, tank top wearing CP strolled up leisurely and finally got onto the field.  Where, he proceeded to take the game’s first corner kick (CP’s second touch of the ball). He curled one toward the Pink box where the keeper called it and caught it, then spilled the beans into the goal. 1 – 0 CRU! Now, with a somewhat questionable Poohbear-esque goal, CRU could not become complacent.

Dermot’s presence bolstered the wing, with Derek in front of him. Hence, the “DD Attack Force” was born. Derek quote of the day, “Dermot is fucking fast!” So back to the game… DD caused problems for the Pink Ladies and got CRU a second corner. So… CP stepped up, served another delicious ball into the Pink box where Ryan Willis channeled Sir Chappyton and Pirlo at the same time and flashed a header* past a stunned Pink keeper. 2 – 0 CRU!

*Actually hit Ryan in the left ear, making him deaf, then his shoulder, then into goal… looked awesome from where I was.

The Pink Ladies did not know how to handle a thrashing team of Badgers on set plays…. Corners would prove useful on this day in Manor, TX. With the treeline of EMP smiling down on the Badgers, they continued their onslaught and pounded the Pink box.

Lo and behold, another corner kick for CRU, did I mention this was still the first half? Guess who? Chris Prettyson served up another delicious corner to a roaming Luke who attacked the ball header style, like he attacks a steaming plate of his grandmothers hot buttery biscuits. And yes, 3 – 0 CRU.

So let’s recap thus far. Three corners, three goals; that’s a pretty good ratio I think… I’ve been drinking and smoking and well I don’t remember what else, I digress… First half, DD strike fear and blood and serve elbows and cutbacks, AND… DEREK’S FIRST HONEYBADGER GOAL!! Congrats brotha! Dermot’s hustle and elbows proved useful once again, causing the ball to end up at Derek’s feet, who then slotted it nicely past the keeper into the left side of the net. 4 – 0 CRU.

Half time was pretty chill.

The Pink Ladies tried to regroup at half time by having an unconventional team huddle on the field.

The depleted CRU side was feeling confident. However, the Pink Ladies had some decent players. Number 4 and number 15 come to mind. They were causing chaos in the middle of the pitch. Jay was shouting commands to CRU as the Pink Ladies played a clever through-ball that exposed the Badger defense. And then they executed, squashing the Badgers’ hopes of a clean sheet. This moment also heated up the fever on the pitch, causing CP to play defense for the rest of the game.

As the Pink Ladies cried more, dived more, and generally self-destructed, CRU scored one of the better goals I’ve seen since being on the team.  Several passes, I’m talking more than 10, hahaha, in and around the Pink box… we were patient, and it paid off. Ciro to Ryan to Gigi to pass it in. 5 – 1 CRU.

The Badgers had officially destroyed the Pink box. A certain photo of Hope Solo comes to mind. And I’ll tellya something, that goal meant a little MORE. Great passing gents, keep it up!

Pink was getting pounded, and they didn’t like it. More dives, more bitching, a Glasgow kiss from Mr. Milton, but then a questionable hand ball in the box on CP lead to a PK for PLs. So at this point the ref informed me that he had had enough of this game, and that this was to be the last play of the game. The ref, Carlos, told me that this GOAL was it… dick move, Carlos. So then the Pink Ladies stepped up and shanked that PK, worm-burner to the right. KARMA. THE SOCCER GODS HAVE SPOKEN. HONEY BADGER POR VIDA. 5 – 1 CRU FINAL.

Jefe out.

Man of the Match: Chris Prettyson – corner kick specialist, 3 assists, played defense in the second half. Thanks bud.

And now for the bonus material, Jefe’s hints:

1. Ryan Willis commanded the game and was a close second to MOTM. He’s now deaf in his left ear.
2. Chris Peterson closes his eyes when he kicks the ball.
3. Dermot has a new friend in Derek and needs to remember to use his elbows more. Way to not get a red card.
4. CRU OWNS SET PIECES. We headed 2 in even without the Bald Head of Power (Chappy).
5. I thought I knew how off-sides works. Apparently not. Thanks for the pass, Ryan, next time I’ll keep it. Sorry Gigi.
6. Dragons are a confident bunch right now. 4 – 0. I spent time after the game drinking their beer and listening… Nasty Nate said they are going to Over 30 A… WE MUST FINISH ABOVE THOSE DRAGON BASTARDS!
7. Someone get Billy out of jail.
8. #outrage #freewilly
9. CP, set your fucking alarm one hour earlier. J
10.  Bring beer you moochy-moochies.
11. Overall, good showing from 12 weary, booze-soaked livers.
12.  Post-game rummy yummy.