Slaughtered. Cameron Road Wins 5th In A Row With 3-0 Win Over Rovers.

The Soccer Gods briefly suspended monsoon season and allowed a 24-hour window of playability at Onion Creek yesterday. The fields were lush and lumpy, like a bowl of steel cut oats served with some of Luke’s Grandmother’s hot biscuits.

Kickoff was a crisp and early 8am. The opponent, Slaughter Rovers, were clad in strange black uniforms with some sort of triangular prism of infinite power emblazoned on their chest. Illuminati for sure. Big Dave laid down the executive order that the Honey Badgers would counter that evil with their white ‘Merica jerseys – each one hand stitched by a WWII Veteran drinking a Budweiser using thread made from bald eagle feathers.

Cameron Road fielded a powerful squad for their first game in a month, five subs were available, including the first appearance from Ben Lee (who would have to cope without the Jade Spear’s handle, Ciro).

Like a 90’s Mike Tyson fight, it was clear to everyone what the outcome of the game would be as the Honey Badgers started their assault on the Rover’s goal with waves of attacks. Ben tried to break the Rover’s ankles with a series of early step-overs, and Cameron Road got into some nice scoring positions early in the game.

They should have been up 1-0 as Ryan rolled a ball across the face of goal for Gigi and Andy at the back post. Against his better striker’s judgement, Gigi left the ball to Andy who somehow sent the ball into the stratosphere from six yards out! (Somewhere in North Austin Steve Crosley looked up and felt a shudder, as the energy from his #17 jersey that Andy had to borrow was defiled)

While the chances kept piling up without a goal to show for them, Billy “motivated” the team by “encouraging” them with his “joyous cheers.” His efforts paid off as Cameron Road eventually bagged the opening goal, and a bit of redemption for Andy, as he put in a ball from close range that Gigi fed him after it was knocked about inside the box.

1-0 America.

With the opening goal out of the way, the Honey Badgers went searching for another to put the game to bed before halftime. Adam used his world class straight-line speed to blow by the defense on the left side and get to the end line, but he couldn’t get a shot off. It was the Italian Stallion who again turned provider for the second goal.

With his back to goal, Gigi quickly turned and sliced a pass down the center of the defense where Ryan and Chappy were making runs to the back post. While the ball traveled in their direction, an alliance was verbally hashed out that would include one free Chili Con Queso at Papalote if Ryan would let the ball go. To be fair, Chappy had the better angle, the far superior haircut, and the patented sliding shot technique to deal with the ball anyway. So as the ball ran past Ryan, Chappy kissed it off the far post and into the net for goal number two.

2-0 America.

Halftime was pretty chill, as the Honey Badgers couldn’t see a way for Rovers to get back into the game, even by summoning the demonic powers of their jerseys. BT cautioned the team to stay focused and not get “goal hungry.” Of course he wasn’t only two goals away from a hat trick.

And so the Honey Badgers continued to pepper the Rover’s goal with attacking fitbol, knowing another goal would come. BT was first to offer up a spectacular chance as he somehow scooped a pass to Ryan to unlock the defense, but Ryan couldn’t get his shot past the keeper. Billy also had a mono a mono with the back of the net, but he must have been heeding BT’s advise when he sprayed the ball out wide like an alley cat marking his favorite tree.

In between 12 different offside calls on Derek (I smell a linesman conspiracy), he was able to cross the ball to Ben inside the box. Like a snakecharmer at the fair, Ben mezmurized the keeper with an array of cutbacks which froze him in place as he burried a close-range shot into the back of the net for Honey Badger goal number three.

3-0 America, and that’s all she wrote.

At the other end,  Jay made a fantastic point-blank save from one of the only shots to seal the shutout. The defense played well all game, as Cuyler bossed the middle of the park, Dave captained the sidelines with his Jacques Cousteau hat and New Chris (who, in an ironic twist of fate was Late-Chris, while Old-Chris, who is usually Late-Chris, was on time) provided the usual tenacity at the back. As the final whistle rang out, the Honey Badgers celebrated their fifth win in a row and were top of the table for the time being until the damn, dirty Dragons played later in the day. What a season this is turning out to be.

Man-of-the-Match: For his sun-up to sun-down contributions, Jefe is crowned Man of the Match. He arrived at the field before dawn to a venue of vultures, played a mighty game without a perilous back pass, provided the team with eagle tears and kolaches, scouted next week’s opponents, tried to hex the Dragons at their game, somehow actually forced a rat-tailed player to give up soccer all together and walk off the pitch in disgust with his sideline heckling, and presumably made it home long after dark to snuggle with his $150 game ball.