Dragons Burn Badger Town To The Ground. Women And Children Escape, But Trophy Feared Lost For Next 6 Months
Like the mighty Smaug burning down Laketown, the Dragons unleashed a fiery assault on the Cameron Road goal as they beat them 5-1 on Clark Field Derby Day #3. The Honey Badgers stood firm in the first half, but the lack of warm bodies and defensive specialists was too much to overcome in the second half.
It was a very unusual opening day as the Honey Badgers were literally missing half the squad, including 90% of the defensive camp who were all attending a seminar in San Antonio entitled: “How do Deal with Midfielders: The Prima Donnas of the Pitch.”
And so with Peterson arriving a few minutes late, and Gigi lacing up the blister machines at kickoff, the Honey Badgers lined up with Jay, Jake, Andy, Luke, Jefe, Chappy, Ciro, Ryan, Adam and new signing Derek. It was a bonus to have long lost Luke in the lineup for the first time since the Spring finale, and Derek was given a baptism of fire against his old team on opening day. (Rumor has it that Steve McKenna (you remember him) is also dangerously close to a healthy return to the pitch after suffering through a Daniel Sturrage-like hamstring tear)
The game actually started off well for Cameron Road as both teams danced the waltz to get a feel for each other. With the newly expanded 3-tier trophy sitting at the half line, caution was the word for the opening 15 minutes.
The best two chances probably fell to the Honey Badgers. Back from his own aggravating hamstring injury, Ryan, operating in his favored deep lying playmaker position, threaded a beautiful through ball to Adam on the right. Being the fastest horse on the team, Adam tracked down the 40 yard ball with ease, but unfortunately his shot went straight off his hoof. The other chance came when Peterson, operating from right back, sent a 40 yard cross into the air which found Chappy just outside the box. Chappy’s header went over Zeke’s crossbar, but these were two good examples of what the Honey Badgers were capable of.
Unfortunately, as the half grinded on, the Dragons were creating chances of their own. None better than Jaime (Edger Light) who somehow broke free of the defense on a quick start free kick that caught most players confused. As he rounded Jay, he was sure to score, but the spirit of the Clark Field nutria smiled upon Cameron Road and pushed the ball into the side netting.
The Dragons would get their first half goal though, as a forward darted forward through the Cameron Road ranks. The half ended as Jake made a last ditch effort Cuyleresque “tackle” on another Dragon forward sprinting inside the box, but no foul was given. This sent the Dragons into a tirade to end the half, and only the cool head of referee Czar Aubry Daniels could talk them down.
1-0 a the half.
With 45 minutes to play to get the trophy back, the tiring legs of Cameron Road took the pitch looking to get back into the game. If the second half of the last game against Phoenix was a brilliant display of comeback soccer… this was the exact opposite.
The Dragons, fueled by “trophy-eyez” syndrome, went for the kill. 2-0. 3-0. 4-0. 5-0. Ugh, it was rough. Cameron Road rode a tiny bit of luck as Yunier’s break away 40 yard run and goal was ruled offside after some discussion by the eagle-eyed linesman.
The Honey Badgers didn’t give up though, and continued to attack looking for goals of their own. Derek played well in his first 90 minutes in forever, employing his double cutback move (which shall now and henseforward be known as the Sweet D) which more often than not ended up as a cross into the box. Zeke made a fine save on a ball that was sailing to Chappy’s head, and Ryan made a sound business decision to pull out of a header at the last minute that would have sent him crashing into the post (he is, after all, quite fragile). The Honey Badgers were coming, and finally got their consolation goal as Gigi connected from inside the box.
In the end, the Dragon’s wrath was too much for this depleted Honey Badger squad to handle, and they watched in horror as the jubilant Dragon’s danced around the trophy for the first time. Well, guess it wouldn’t be a rivalry if the same team won every game, huh?
Take a good, long, deep, googly-eyed look at that trophy you Dragon bastards from Hell…. for it will come back under Honey Badger control at the next meeting. Mark our words!
Man-of-the-Match: Gigi “came to play, not to take free kicks in his backside man.” His goal gave the Honey Badgers a needed tiny little lift at the end of the game, and along with Jefe, his enthusiasm and roaring badger spirit drove the team all day long.
Scene’s from the Peterson Party
