Honey Badgers Slay the Mighty Dragons as the Realm Rejoices

Once upon a time….

The brave and mighty Honey Badgers were called upon to smote down the evil Dragons who had taken over the Onion Creek Soccer Lands. Usually a docile, fun-loving but hard-drinking bunch, the Honey Badgers received a scroll from the ancient Wizzard “Billah” to warn them of the impending doom.

Putting aside their ale and salted meats, the Honey Badgers suited up in their Brazilian blue and gold battle armor, and prepared to take the ancient field of battle.

Sir Ciro, from the island of Tiny Foot, was first to display his anger at the Dragons which had taken up lodging on the south side of Field #2. Their Argentine baby blue and white armor was more than he could stomach, and he vowed that his retribution would be swift on this day.

From the opening moments of the battle, the Honey Badgers displayed a poise and composure to their attacks. Sir Broken Brian and Sir Willis of Tubbyville probed the soft underbelly of the Dragons, looking for an opportunity to slice them open with a razor sharp pass  to forward knights Sir McKenna and Lord Gigi.

The Honey Badgers also welcomed back Sir Scotty of Merrittville, who had been across the Ironman Sea for two years, studying ancient battle tactics on Sort it Out  Island.

The first blow to the dreaded, fire-breathing beast was struck by the Honey Badgers as the Wizzard Billah released Sir McKenna with his magic staff, allowing him to sneak by his foe with a cloak of invisibility. As the golden orb of power pulsed at his feet, Sir McKenna spotted the perfect opportunity for Sir Broken Brian to deliver a hammer blow to the Dragons. Sir Broken Brian’s aim was true and the golden orb squirted past the bouncing belly of the great beast to earn the first spoils of the day.

Having already been the creator, the Wizzard Billah then tried to gain some power for himself, but his point-blank thrust of his Brava Sword took a rather Michaelian trajectory. He quickly retreated to the defensive moat to call upon his Wizard Master Jefforon to recharge his magical powers.

The Honey Badgers continued their assault on the front lines and unleashed The Danimal to do close battle with the Dragons. Although effective in advanced positions, The Danimal was unable to damage the Dragons further.

Sir Scotty also tried to wound the great beast as he flung the golden orb skyward towards King Chappy’s helmless head. What should have been a deadly blow was rendered useless as the King’s mind had been focused on clothing the realm with golden t-shirts instead of slaying the beast.

As both sides regrouped to review their battle plans, lick their wounds and partake of salted pork and ale, the sun grew hotter. An ominous sign as it is knows that the Dragons absorb such energy in the form of ultraviolet rays.

And with their opening salvo in the second battle, the Dragons set out to crush their opponents, put their tents into slavery, disembowel their ice chests and send the Honey Badgers back to the Tree Line from which they came. Their will was strong, challenging the Honey Badger defenses, but they didn’t count on the heart, desire, and sheer will of the golden warriors.

As the battle drew to a close, the Honey Badgers delivered the hammer blow to the Dragon as Sir Andy of Ushipville released the golden orb down the right side to King Chappy. King Chappy’s stride was true, his mind was focused, and his cross went sailing into the air high above the Dragon’s defenses. With a silky chested touch, Dermot the Dasher brought down the golden orb and carefully placed it between two broken scales in the Dragon’s underbelly.

With the beast on it’s death bed, Sir Peterson of Jort stepped up to destroy the great beast once and for all. As Sir Willis made a daring run deep into the Dragon’s lair, using his magic Mizunos to hover above the blood-soaked ground – he passed the golden orb to his fellow round table knight and watched as Sir Peterson struck the final blow to the limping beast.

And so it was my friends, on the last day of the month of June, in the year two thousand and thirteen, the rag-tag band of Honey Badgers defeated the great Dragons and took back the ancient Onion Creek plains for all soccer loving creatures. Now all can rejoice knowing the hunting grounds are safe again.

As the Honey Badgers rejoiced in their tents and drank their ale, many lighter hearted hijinx were performed to please the Gods of Jackassery. Why, even King Chappy himself was drenched in three separate ice baths, a new record for post-battle play.

And so endith this tale.

Knight-of-the-Round Table: Like a shining Lancelot or yore, Sir Scotty of Merritt made a triumphant return to the battlefield, deploying stalwart defensive tactics, almost providing a golden orb assist, and carrying the banner for the Honey Badgers.