LOSS: 2-0 vs Jugglers – The Magnificent 7 Badgers Go Down Fighting
Now that’s a headline baby!
Like the 300 Spartans at the Hot Gates of Thermopylae, the severely outnumbered Honey Badgers faced an onslaught of Juggalos, fresh from the Gathering. In a perfect storm of vacations, Covid restrictions, injuries and previous engagements, only 7 Honey Badgers were available to make the trek to Manor on a rainy, moggy Sunday morning.
A few against many. No hope of survival. Fighting to the last man. Was the Honey Badger’s fate predetermined, or was there a chance for a glorious victory for Sparta….er……Badgertown? Only the oracle would know for sure.
Leading the charge like King Leonidas himself, Danimal took his turn between the pipes. Flanking him in the revolutionary 4-1-1 formation was Jake, Guillermo, Chris G and Chappy. Jeff Z was a one-man midfield, and Gianluca was the goal-scoring outlet at the tip of the long spear.
The plan was simple: Defend like the Persians were at the door, and try and set Gianluca free to nick a goal. And wouldn’t you know it he came close with what is quickly becoming his trademark shot from distance within the opening minutes. As the Badgers settled into their defensive shield, it became obvious that 7 Honey Badgers just might be enough. The Juggalos, for all their numbers, were not the most threatening team up top, even with a 4 man advantage. Time after time the brave Honey Badgers turned back the would-be attacks.
They only conceded one goal in the first half, while actually carving out some chances at the other end.
With no oranges to refuel them, the Magnificent 7 relied on a combination of peyote and C4 to enter the Spirit World, where they summoned Jefe’s aura for additional protection and guidance.
A last minute penalty after Danimal charged the attacker like a wildebeest was all the Juggalos could muster for their superior numbers, and in the end all those on the sidelines and referring the game were complementing the Honey Badgers for their efforts.
Let us now acknowledge and admire the fallen for their efforts and bravery:
Danimal: A keeper with a single purpose to keep the Juggalos at bay. His 41 goal kicks, multiple saves and constant (on the edge of a pineapple) banter was the fighting spirit at the back all day long.
Jake: A right back with 1 functioning knee. Never quit. Dribbled out of many a pickle. Showed the heart of the true Honey Badger. 90 minutes, mostly upright.
Chris G: Survived an early bulldozer move by Danimal. Battered, bloodied, bleeding from his torn jersey, this man embodied the Honey Badger spirit.
Chappy: At left back all day long without offering up a cringe-worthy back pass. A few “almosts” from Danimal’s booming free kicks. Brought 7 beers. Showed unusual restraint by deciding not to ice Jeff Z with the remaining juice in his cooler as they watched the next match.
Jeff Z: The midfield. Got his nuts stamped on, but continued despite discomfort. A rock.
Guillermo: Anchored the center of defense, but also surged forward supporting Gigi on many a two-man attack. Fiery. Disciplined. A Dragon no more.
Gianluca: Last man standing. Gave the effort and passion of 20 Honey Badgers. A one-man offense who almost scored on several occasions. A statue will be built in his honor.
Man-of-the-Match: THE HONEY BADGER SPIRIT
