Gunned Down: Honey Badgers Destroy Gunners 6-0 One Week After Crushing The Punter’s Spirits And Remain In First Place

If ever there was a time for a letdown, it was Sunday. A week removed from beating their biggest rivals (sorry Dragons), the Honey Badgers could have taken their foot off the gas and taken a leisurely drive out to Manor for a little game of grab ass. Instead, they chose to install a 4:11 Positrac outback, 750 double pumper, Edelbrock intake bored over 30 wth 11 to 1 pop-up pistons and a turbo-jet 390 horsepower hemi into the heart of the team and put their foot firmly on the gas.

What ensued was a magical display of total futbol that would have made Johan Cruyff shit his pants with delight and smoke a carton of Lucky Stripes.

With Danimal out this week giving the keynote speech at the Modern Zen conference in Palo Alto, Jefe and the rest of the gang pitched yet another shutout at the back. It helped that the hapless Gunners started off the game two players short, but after they assembled their full squad nothing really changed. There were moments when New Chris and Dave just passed the ball back and forth to each other for fun. With the D pushing the line up high, the Gunners were under a considerable amount of pressure. What ensued was a total and complete Badgering.

Where to begin?

Ryan started off the scoring with a close range roofing after Bret sliced down the right hand side from defense and whipped in a ball across the box. Ryan might have scored earlier but he would have needed a protractor to pull off the shot from the tight angle he was shooting from.

1-0 Honey Badgers.

All hail the mighty Ciro!! As they do every two years for this goal, all the planets aligned (including Pluto), there was just the right amount of dew remaining on the grass, his new boots were exactly broken in to the proper specifications, and the nearly unsolvable mathematical equation of shot speed – ball rotation x tiny foot trajectory / the speed of light + (number of doobies present + Billy’s blood pressure) – chappy’s bunion’s circumference added up to just the right amount….. and when Derek passed the ball to Ciro at the top of the box his shot didn’t go right to the keeper. It magically whizzed by him and into the top corner.

2-0 Honey Badgers at the half.

Fresh from sideline daddy duty, Jake inserted himself into the forward lineup for the start of the second half, and those on the sidelines were treated to a Barcelona-like passing display that must have lasted 20+ passes. It was kind of amazing. And to top it off, within minutes Andy had crossed the ball to the back post for Adam to nod in.

3-0 Honey Badgers.

With the game out of reach for the Gunners, Cameron Road continued to roll on, soaking up any attacks, slowing down the play with the ball, but striking fast when the opportunities presented themselves. Next up was an attacking trio of Derek, BT and Chappy. Down the right, Derek got the ball to BT who sent in a bit of high ball for Chappy to collect in the center of the box. With the next defender in Pflugerville, Chappy turned and went 5 hole on the keeper and scored an elusive non-header.

4-0 Honey Badgers.

Gigi and his mustache were up next as another plentiful passing attack ended with Luke passing him the final ball to rifle home into the top left corner.

5-0 Honey Badgers.

Finally, after playing a helluva game chasing down balls in defense, Ryan stepped up and scored a beautiful long-range “Travis” goal with Billy on the assist.

6-0 Honey Badgers.

Can’t ask for much more of a team win. Another shutout at the back and 11 players directly involved in the goals. Do credit the Gunners who were great sports, but they had the misfortune of running into the teeth of a Honey Badger Buzzsaw.

Man-of-the-Match: He doesn’t always score goals, but when he does, he doesn’t kick it straight into the keeper’s hands. When Ciro scores, we must celebrate!