Honey Badgers in the Mist Volume II: Grackles Get Pulverized
Onion Creek still lay in a deep fog as the Honey Badgers began to assemble at Field 6 for what was to become a heated 8 AM matchup with the Grackles.
The field was covered in dew and el Jefe had camp pitched by 6:47 AM by what appeared to be a small pile of Grackle feathers – a sure sign that today could be a feast of goals.
As gametime approached, the fog lifted and Cameron Road stood 16 strong, featuring a guest appearance by former regular Way Shong. It appeared the table was properly set for makeup work in goal differential, as Grackles could only muster 9 players, featuring a particular whiney asshole in #16.
The game started of with complete Cameron Road domination of possession, and it didn’t take long before the goals started to scorch the back of the net.
The first goal was a loose ball in front of goal that Willis tapped in. CRU 1 – 0 Grackles
Only moments later Willis recieved a beautiful through-ball with a great angle on the goal. He calmly closed in and slotted his second goal. CRU 2 – 0 Grackles
With Chappy on the mend, Willis felt like he needed to pick up the slack, and quickly polished off his hat trick by minute 24. CRU 3 – 0 Grackles.
Willing to finally share in the feast of goals, Willis subbed out. The fourth goal came from a long set-piece cross from Cuyler that Luke kissed off his head into the back of the net. CRU 4 – 0 Grackles
And CRU wasn’t finished. After another routine defensive stand, the CRU back line – as they did all day – cleaned up the Grackles’ trash and distributed it down the right side. The ball eventually found itself in Zoran’s path at the end line as he closed in on the goal. With a slide-tackle toe-pick jab that would’ve made Chappy proud, Zoran megged the keeper and put in the fifth goal of the 1st half. CRU 5 – 0 Grackles.
In the second half, Danimal and Willis shared keeper duties, Cuyler moved to center-midfield and the mid-field rotated in and out of defense. Everyone got involved everywhere in this game, Ciro had two assists, Danimal almost scored a bajillion goals, and even Crosley had a few opportunities.
With a beautiful cross from Billy’s short corner, Willis put in a clinical header from the far post to the near post, polishing off a nice 4-goal day. CRU 6-0.
The game got heated at this point and the Grackles weren’t happy about our feast. Heated words were exchanged on several occasions, and a few “shoulder tackles” were dealt out to the wounded Grackles.
By this time, CRU was blind with the thirst of blood and continued to press, and Grackles finally pushed forward to earn a corner. One the ensuing corner, Cuyler and #16 go down and a PK is called. #16 has been running his mouth to the entire team all game, and even threatened to break Andy’s legs! (Let’s not forget to thank this guy next time we play them..)
Willis almost saved the PK but it skipped off his finger tips. On another Grackles cornerkick a few moments later, in what might be the sloppiest call we’ll see this Fall season, the ball was bouncing around in front of the goal, and Willis scooped it up right on the end line. The referee, standing about 30 yards out and in the center of the field, calls a goal. “I saw it from here”, he proclaimed and didn’t even ask the linesmen his opinion.
When the final whistle blew, like a wet fart after some great sex, the final score was CRU 6 – 2 Grackles. It didn’t take long before the Honey Badgers raised their spirits high with an excellent mix of libations and aromas on the sidelines.
Man of the Match: With 4 goals total and keeper duties for the last 20 minutes of the game, Willis locked in this distinction by minute 24.
Man of the Post Match: Danimal brought Hops & Grain’s newest porter for the team to try out, days before it will even be released. That’s clutch. Honey badger clutch
