Dos a Cero. Honey Badgers Edge Closer to League Title After Saying Night Night to Juventus.

Another week. Another win. Another shutout. Another step closer to the title. Stop me if you’re heard this before.

Cameron Road United are on such an incredible run that it is literally sending shockwaves throughout the sporting world. Fans in Leicester City are calling their improbable run to the EPL title, “doing a honey badger”. The Chicago Cubs have officially changed their team colors to yellow and gold. Jerry Jones has renamed the Cowboys home to “Yeti Stadium”. The Punters are thinking about incorporating a single logo on their overcrowded jerseys.

Everything seemed to fall into place on Sunday afternoon. Atop the league table for the entire season, the Dragons slippery slide continued as they were beaten before the Honey Badgers took to the pitch, opening the door just enough for a black and white snout to wedge its way in. A win would send Cameron Road to the Over 30B summit by two points for the first time in nine months.

Standing in their way were a tricky bunch of men from Juventus. These were men, not boys. Men who do not like losing. Men who do not like getting fouled. Men who have no problem throwing an elbow in your jaw, kicking you while they lay prone on the ground, shoving you with a perfectly timed forearm shiver to your lower back, or screaming bloody murder to the referee for every return slap on the wrist.

But this is the season of the Honey Badger, and all opponents big and small must feel the wrath of the little devils with incredible skin so thick it cannot be pierced with arrows, spears, or even a machete.

In another standout theme of the season, it doesn’t seem to matter who’s missing in action, as there are plenty of others willing and able to step up. With Chappy and Derek out of the match, Travis and Gigi returned for their first action of the season. The sidelines have not been the same since the Italian Stallion has gone missing, and Travis’ brute force and silky touch were just what was needed to fend off Juventus.

The game started as Danimal paced the sidelines like a caged tiger, daring Juventus to give him the opportunity to enter the game. And with the speed of Luke snatching up one of his Grandmother’s hot biscuits, the Honey Badger quick strike attack was on the move as Ciro threaded a ball into Steve McKenna’s path in front of the keeper. With one touch Steve controlled the ball, and with his second touch he flicked it past the Hispanic Jens Lehmann for what is surely the fastest goal in Cameron Road history!

Cameron Road had the best play of the first half. Luke somehow managed to not score twice (most likely due to his seven day Honey Badger erection interfering with his equilibrium  in front of goal), despite his best efforts. Dermot was a man on fire. Gigi was busy holding up play and running the channels (when he wasn’t being tackled by someone on the ground underneath him), and the rest of the team dished out physical play equal to that of the fiery Juventus.

The first half ended in near pandemonium as Ryan was busy both dishing out and fending off attacks from a 50 year old Hispanic Hitman with mustache built for revenge. The referee had to call the captains to the center of Thunderdome to reassert his zero tolerance stance. But the Honey Badgers knew that they had Juventus sufficiently would up and if they could just maintain a zen-like composure in the second half, the top of the table would be theirs.

The second half was about one word. DEFENSE. Defending a one goal lead for 89 minutes is no small task, but it was one given to the league’s most feared and effective back line. The Honey Badgers defense has given up only two goals this season. TWO GOALS! Amazing.

Juventus was gunning for the net and had the better chances in the second half, but Cameron Road’s mighty defenders stood tall. Jay made his customary miraculous saves when called upon, and everyone else did their part to fend off the wildlings clad in all blue.

Mother Treeline also got involved as she smiled upon her most cherished sons and looked over their goal as Juventus were denied yet again in a fantastic scrum in front of Jay’s goal that resulted in neither the bulging of the ol’onion bag or any type of foul. Sometimes, it’s just your year.

There were precious little Honey Badger attacks in the half, but a few stood out. Billy and Dermot almost combined to form the Celtic Scepter in front of goal, Peterson played Jefe into the box with a perfectly timed “send it”, and Ryan somehow managed to pirouette out of several tackles and wave “bye bye” to his would be defender as he scampered out of trouble like a ghost crab on the Galveston shores at dusk.

And with one final nail in their tool belt, Cameron Road pounded the Juventus coffin shut with a brilliant counter attack with minutes to go. Seconds before being demolished at midfield, Peterson threaded another ball through the Juventus midfield. A few passes later, Gigi was off to the races on the right side of the box, and whizzed a cross over to the far post where Dermot controlled it, and then sent it home for his second goal in two weeks.

As he strode back to his half of the pitch, a jubilant Gigi screamed at the top of his lungs, “THAT’S HOW YOU WIN THE GAME MAHTHERFUCKERS!!!!”

And that pretty much sums it up. Another brilliant team victory that puts Cameron Road one game away from their second title in four years. Do the Honey Badgers have the stones to finish the job in two weeks time? I wouldn’t bet against them.

Man-of-the-Match: THE DEFENSE.