R.I.P. Red Chair

I would like to take a moment of silence to pay final respects for my red chair, which lost it’s long battle with my foolishness today. At approximately 12:37 CST, my trusty old friend collapsed and finally gave out after years of loyal service.

It seems fitting that his dying act was one of raucous comedy. As I was sitting post-match, with a glorious Ballast Point lager in my hand, a Grackle clearance sent a ball skyward, directly at me. I knew I could reach it with the extra height the red chair afforded me, and as I reached skyward with my non-beer-drinking hand to get a touch on the ball, the unthinkable happened. My momentum drove me backward and with its dying gasp the red chair crumbled and collapsed under my weight into a heap of navy and red scrap metal.

If there’s a heaven, I hope to see my old friend waiting for me at the Onion Creek Soccer Complex in the sky, when I enter my first match in the 6 Feet Under division.

Sincerely,
Chappy