WIN: 3-1 vs Balcones – Badgers End Season With a Win As The Game is Cut Short After “Spitgate”

So many story lines as the Honey Badgers capped off their championship season with a 3-1 victory over Balcones Fault FC. With the Jugglers losing prior to kickoff, the Badgers ended the season with a dominating 8 point margin at the top of the Over 40B table. Champions baby, champions.

With the season wrapped up, it was time for a Badger victory lap. As is customary at a successful season’s end, Jaybone was cut loose from his keeper spot and entered the fray as the right midfielder. Jake started upright as the keeper….. for a short time. More on that later.

The Badgers came out white hot, not resting on their laurels. Jeff Z set the early tone with some hard work against the jerrycurled Balcones Fault forward, and added a “damned my infected leg” slide tackle that made Big Dave pause mid-cast on his fishing boat, sniff the air, and nod in approval after a difficult week.

As the Badgers controlled play, Balcones won a corner kick and JAKE IS DOWN!!!! JAKE IS DOWN!!!!! Coming out to punch a ball to safety, Jake got undercut and proceeded to succumb to gravity as he hit the deck with a thud. Needing a few minutes to regroup, an already hobbled Jefe took the mantle between the pipes as Jaybone continued to patrol the outfield.

After about 20 throw-ins on the left side of the pitch, the Badgers got to work earning a corner kick. Derek’s low shank was looking to be a poor attempt, until it struck a Balcones Fault player in his outstretched arm earning him a penalty kick. Knowing that catching Gigi for the golden boot was possible if he had a 20 goal game, Derek stepped up and absolutely demolished the ball past the portly keeper to the left side of the goal. 1-0 Badgers.

Billy was back for his second straight game and picked up where he left off last week with an excellent shift at right back. The entire back line was playing well as Chris G chased down everything behind the ball and Guillermo pushed forward, starting the attacks with his excellent control in the center of the park.

After saving one goal, Jefe charged out of the box to clear the lines when his hamstring decided to explode into a thousand strands of mushroom fragments. He was helped off the field and in some serious discomfort as he hopped to his chair and began the icing process. And so endith Jaybone’s walk about as he was needed back between the sticks.

After more Cameron Road possession, another no-look pass to where Chappy wasn’t by Ciro, an “almost goal” in the first 20 seconds of entering the game by Gianluca, and Brian Parks almost losing a finger after being tackled by Batman, the Honey Badgers doubled their lead.

Ciro got the ball to Derek and he one-upped himself with the cleanest of strikes to smash it past the keeper for a 2-0 advantage. The race for the Golden Boot was on!

The Honey Badgers finished off the half (and the game) by supplying a third goal as Derek’s initial shot got pushed back out into open play and Brian Parks slotted it home for his first goal in 15 years! Brian finished up his initial season back with some great play and earned the respect of his new Badgers with a great comeback season after so much time off.

Oranges. Large, fat, plump, juicy oranges.

With nothing much to play for, Balcones Fault came out in the second half looking to get back into the game, and they did so with a quick fire goal after Chris G ran down a striker and put in a brilliant slide tackle.

And then, well, things got not boring.

Adam, with a taste of the dark arts last week, drew in his marker and got smashed on the far sideline. As he got up, he was shoved by his attacker. Seeing this affront to his teammate, Danny engaged full Danimal mode to stick up for his teammate. After words, the Balcones Fault big man spit in Danny’s face…. a definite no-no. Shit kicked off for real after that, as the benches emptied and Chappy ran out on the pitch. The referee dolled out double red cards, but the incident spilled over close to Badgertown as cooler heads did not prevail. With both teams trying to de-escelate the situation, Chappy latched onto the 260 pound player in green with crazy eyes and hung on for dear life. As he became a human belt, Chappy was dragged to the ground but held on until things came down to a simmer from a boil. Danny respectfully exited the field and awaited the outcome. After conferring with the referees, the Badgers and Balcones waned to continue the game, but the ref decided to shut down the match and sent everyone to the sidelines to start drinking beer. Not an ideal outcome, but probably the right call as they wanted to avoid any further incidents.

So the glorious season came to a bit of an unexpected end, but definitely not a boring one. After the first few beers, it was all smiles as Cameron Road celebrated their successful season and Gianluca won his 3rd Golden Boot and first MVP for his monster season.

Man-of-the-Short-Match: 2 goals and a shitload of beer and all is forgiven for Derek as he redeemed himself after last weeks minutes of madness.

Post-Game-Report: Jefe iced Danny in the crotch. Chappy found a pencil. Chappy iced Ciro for not looking where he was passing.