WIN: 5-3 vs FC Santos – The Summer Goalathon Continues!

Summer soccer at noon. A rite of passage. Can you survive? Can you outlast the other team? Will you pass out from a heat stroke and have to be revived by a cooler full of gooch water to the dome? Honey Badgers don’t give a shit.

Good squad for yesterday’s match with 4-5 subs, which has been the usual crop so far this season. Conor brought tent #2, and Matt showed up a little after the start to complete the three tent Badgertown.

Santos won the kick off, and their #17 tried to go coast to coast and score in the first 10 seconds with a drive to the bucket followed by a shot that went wide. Ambitious. But after that attack, the Honey Badgers settled into their more patient summer rhythm, pinging the ball around the final third looking for openings. The first one came when Brian Parks unleashed a Luke-like throw in to Derek down the left side. Derek sent in a Danimal-like cross to the clouds that eventually came down where someone got it back across the box for Conor to head in from point blank range.

Santos evened it up with a point-blank shot off a corner kick as well, and the race to the finish was on.

Jesus had an early drive to the keeper, but his shot was headed more towards Big Dave’s tree than the the goal.

At the back, Billy was silently playing his usual solid game, while Scotty and Hoguer held down the middle until Danny got in the mix. Parks got some time at left back and looked to zip the ball around with his freshly manicured pink toes.

Ciro was having another great half on the ball with Conor in the middle of the park. There were lots of opportunities for little through balls to the wings.

Chappy drove down the right side and whipped a cross into the box (thanks for noticing Jaybone), and also tried to scuff in a shot with the outside of the size 13 right in front of the keeper. Jesus had another attempt, but it just wasn’t falling for him on the day.

The Badgers got on the board again as Conor got the ball to Derek on the left side of the box. Derek likes to do two things, cut it back and score goals. 2-1 Badgers.

But just like the previous two summer games, the scoring was far from over. Santos busted through the center of the pitch, took a shot that took a slight blue-haired deflection, and it was 2-2 at the half.

Danny had complaints about the pomegranate masquerading as oranges, and he wasn’t wrong. Chappy brought a cooler full of ice, water and frozen wash cloths. The plan was to save it for Ciro’s post-game core-temp reduction ceremony, but turns out all that water got put to good use cooling down many bald heads.

The second half kicked off with tiring legs and increasing temps. The war of attrition had begun, but Badgertown was keeping Cameron Road cool and ready.

The Badgers won a few corner kicks, one of which hit Chappy in the back of The Bald Dome of Power resulting in scud missile-like accuracy.

Then up stepped Hoguer to take matters into his own magical left foot. After seeing it happen only once in the past 20 years of Cameron Road soccer, it happened for the second week in a row as his in-swinging corner kick sailed right into the back of the net! Amazing. 3-2 Badgers.

Good stuff was happening as the Badgers were working the ball out of the back well. Scotty took a turn in central midfield and pinged a great cross field pass to Chappy, who got it to Jesus down low in the box, but he couldn’t get a shot off.

And from a seemingly harmless pass to their massive midfielder, Santos suddenly found themselves on a fast break with a slicing ball down the center of the park. Just like that it was 3 to 3 and the summer madness continued.

Not to worry. These Badgers don’t give up. Cameron Road scored a great goal as Conor controlled the ball in the center of the box like a boss and laid it off to Matt who was making a run from deeper in midfield. Matt’s shot slammed home and the Badgers were on the move.

Later on, Matt got back into the game up top and was a handful for the Santos defenders. So much that they cut him down with a Paul Bunion chop to the ankle which put him at MATTCON 3. But this week, he turned his annoyance into another goal as Pete whipped in a cross that Matt headed past the keeper for Badger goal #5!

With time running out, Jefe collided with the Santos #17 at the center of the pitch, sending them both to the sidelines. Good tactics from Jefe taking out their best player, but it was just about 87 minutes too late.

And with that, the Badgers survived the heat and continued their wild ride in this early summer 2023 season.

Man-of-the-Match: Conor brought a tent, Modelo, chips, homemade salsa, had two assists and a goal. Not a bad day at the office

Post-Game-Report: Of course, the Badgers won the post game. Matt got his Badger baptism. Jefe suffered from Modelo crack with a self-inflicted sugar water chaser. Ciro’s core temp fell to acceptable levels. Chappy’s chair was tossed, but not broken. 8 bones were sacrificed.